Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  September 22, 2014 7:21pm-7:55pm PDT

7:21 pm
>> stephen: s? 's-- . >> stephen: that's it for the report, everybody. good night. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm jon stewart! this is a fine program we have
7:22 pm
prepared for you this evening with love. with love this program has been prepared! former president bill clinton will be joining us! (cheers and applause) we're going to talk about his global initiative. it is that organization's tenth aanniversary. first, former senator and secretary of state hillary clinton -- no relation -- (laughter) -- word on the street is that the former senator and secretary of state is thinking of diving back into politics, president first. (cheering) but, obviously, there is no guarantee she would win the nomination even from her party. it's mostly guaranteed, but it is the subject of tonight's dem demockolypes2016, joe biden.
7:23 pm
we all love joe biden. last week i bought an insurance policy from him. (laughter) but of the united states, he will not be president. not that he doesn't have an impressive resume. for instance, as senator he sponsored the violence against women act and still speaks passionately about the issue. >> it's never, never, never the woman's fault. this whole culture, for so long, has put the onus on the woman. what were you wearing? what did you say? what did you do to provoke? that is never the appropriate question. >> jon: you know what? you never hear that enough. you never hear that enough. and that never is the appropriate question. speaking of "never appropriate "-- (laughter) it is important to remember, as joe biden giveth, joe biden taketh away. >> my son is attorney generics a year in iraq, people would come
7:24 pm
to him about what was happening at home in terms of foreclosures, in terms of bad loans that were being -- i mean, these shylocks who took advantage of these women and men while overseas. (audience reacts) >> jon: for those of you who may not know it -- (laughter) -- the shylocks are not an old-school r&b group from the seventies -- (laughter) -- but, in fact, are a reference to the stereotypically go deskly greedy jewish money lender, which reminds me (bleep) shakespeare! (bleep) you! (cheers and applause) (laughter) waiting 400 years to get that off my chest. (laughter)
7:25 pm
pulling out a 17th century greedy jewish stereotype is a pretty deep cut. nobody really uses that word anymore. they retired it to the racist hall of fame between al jolson's tin of shoe polk and a jersey reading redskins jersey here. but biden had a slip of the tongue. hardly disqualifies him from -- roll the tape. >> i stopped in singapore to meet with a guy named lee kuan yew whom most foreign policy experts around the world say is the wisest man in the orient. (laughter) >> jon: joe, unless that's what the -- joe, unless that's what the guy puts on his business cards, i would just go with asia. i mean, orient?
7:26 pm
shylock? it's like biden hasn't been out of the house since 1962! (laughter) hey, whatever happened to that speedy gonzalez character, anyway, huh? i mean, that was one fast mexican mouse, am i right? mickey rooney, breakfast at tiffany's, where's his oscar? c'mon! who's up for lunch at sambo's if on me! i'm no scotsman! for more on joe biden's recent blunders, joined by senior casual racism correspondent, michael che. michael, thanks for joining us. (cheers and applause) i gotta tell ya, hillary clinton has to be overjoyed to see a challenger flame out like this. >> are you kidding, jon? this is the first real threat to her campaign. i mean, sure, it's nice to have asians and jews on board but if joe biden can fill up the old white racist vote, he'll bun
7:27 pm
stoppable! (laughter) >> jon: you thought the joe biden thing was a bet we were doing? (mumbling) >> what? >> jon: a lot of you don't know this. today is michael che's last day on the "the daily show." (audience reacts) i know. but he's going to be co-anchoring weekend update on s.n.l. (cheers and applause) we're very excited for michael. so we concocted this whole bit so he wouldn't know we were planning a little something for him. tonight marks kind of an end of an era and we get to say farewell. it remind me when john oliver
7:28 pm
left in the same way. >> he was here for seven years. i have been here for, like, three months. >> jon: you were here for, actually, 58 business days. you know, michael, i will never forget the first time young michael che showed up here at "the daily show," fresh-faced kid, must have been, what, 31? >> yeah, man, i'm still 31. it's, like, june. (laughter) >> jon: now, michael, before you go -- and i just thought it would be nice if some of your colleagues came out and gave tribute, if they could. so they're going to come out and give tribute. (cheers and applause) >> jon: let them have their emotional moment! >> it was great to work with you exactly three times. (laughter) >> what's up? i'm jessica. i heard some pretty great things.
7:29 pm
>> don't be a stranger, wyatt! (laughter) >> so you must be sam? >> jon: that's sam. >> yes. >> i don't know what to say. >> jon: very moving. it's very moving. dry the eyes a little bit. dry the eyes. you know what? you didn't think this was going to be it, did ya? i didn't even tell you about this. this is the big surprise. come here you. come here you. >> well, okay. >> jon: come here. sit. sit. (applause) >> jon: you know, we have been through a lot together and, well, i've done through kind of a bit of a high light reel of your time here. it's meant so much to us. so, if i may right now, if i may say a fond farewell.
7:30 pm
♪ ♪ i will remember you... ♪ will you reme -- >> jon: okay, that's all the tape we had so we didn't -- (applause) >> all right. well, this has been cool. (laughter) >> jon: yeah. >> a fun summer. >> jon: you know what? move the footage. get everybody over here! come over here and say goodbye. everybody! ♪ i will remember you!
7:31 pm
michael che, everybody! michael che, everybody! we're g see this? it shows the mpressure points on my tired, we're g achy feet. i had no clue i was putting this kind of stress on my feet. i have flat feet. i found this out at the free dr.scholl's foot mapping center at walmart. in less than two minutes, i got my foot map and my custom number i'm a 440. i'm a 210. 340. that number matched the dr.scholl's custom fit orthotic inserts with just the right support to help relieve stress on my feet. i'm a believer. go to drscholls.com for locations and save $10.
7:32 pm
i have big news. bacon and cheese have been stuffed in a crust. pizza hut's new bacon and cheese stuffed crust with hardwood smoked bacon and a blend of three cheeses. for a limited time, get a large one topping for just $11.99 and free two liter of pepsi when you order online. order now at pizzahut.com. "hello. you can go ahead and "have a nice flight."re." ♪ music plays
7:33 pm
♪ music plays traveling can feel like one big mystery. you're never quite sure what is coming your way. but when you've got an entire company who knows that the fewest cancellations and the most on-time flights are nothing if we can't get your things there, too. it's no wonder more people choose delta than any other airline. ted what are you doing? i was trying to get these skittles, but i got stuck. [ crickets chirping ] maybe i should try. [ spider ] i say go for it.
7:34 pm
[ crickets chirping ] trap the rainbow! taste the rainbow! (cheers and applause) our guest tonight, the 42n 42nd president of the united states, his annual clinton global initiative in it's 10t 10th year kicks off sunday. welcome back to the program, president bill clinton! (cheers and applause) how are ya! (cheers and applause) i tell you this, and i'm going to say this, and it's nice you're here to witness it.
7:35 pm
i live this every day. just the ovations -- you're good, too, but -- thank you. (laughter) >> i do this when i see you at home. i'm all alone, just clapping and -- >> jon: oh, stop! stop! >> we just can't help ourselves. >> jon: exactly. ten years of clinton global initiative. so you have this thing all planned out. you've got these free speakers, all your things in order. something like this ebola epidemic jumps up -- it probably represents the confluence of all the various things that you can do at clinton global initiative. how agile can you be when something like that arises and can you address it even at this year's? >> yeah, we are. >> how? >> we're going to have all the people from the world health organization and the u.n. and the doctors without borders, heart and health, all these people will come together and talk about it. the united states has done a
7:36 pm
lot. president obama's gotten some money through congress and the pentagon's committed a good bit of money and resources. look, this is an emergency because nobody knows how to cure this. >> jon: right. >> we know that almost 5,000 people have been infected. we know that more than 2,600 have died. almost certainly more than that have been infected. the problem is, as compared with previous outbreaks of ebola, which are in the remote liewrl rural areas, this is hit in some urban areas, and when it got into nigeria and the congo, there are a lot of people there and there are just to many bodies brushing up against one another every day, it creates the risk. you have to isolate and care for. a lot of these people can survive if they get proper care quickly and we can stop the epidemic and let it burn itself out if we can isolate everybody that's infected but it will bake a hurrican hurricane hurculean .
7:37 pm
>> jon: one of the biggest issues is trust. the local communities are frightened by this -- >> they should be. >> jon: and they may not necessarily trust outsiders and the united states coming in. can your organization build the trust with the local authorities and build the trust we need? >> we can in liberia where we'rer are active and have there from the beginning of president johnson's tenure. but in other countries, they will have to work with the local health ministries and the local people which is why it's encouraging to me that we may have an african coordinator who will have, i think, a lot of credibility working with the overall u.n. coordinator and the world health organization and everybody else. i think, by and large, doctors without borders deserves an enormous amount of credit
7:38 pm
because they have put their lives at risk and put everything into it. so many people have gone there to serve, and now that partners in health is going in, the partners in health is my partner in africa and they've done a lot of work in ever cay and have a very good name. we're going to, i think, see a big ramp up, and i think, in liberia, i saw a news story which interviewed people on the street who were really thrilled the american government and the military were going to invest in goindoing. this we have been working in africa with the military since i was president, and there's an africa command now and they're very well organized. >> jon: right. africa, how old is that, 20 years? >> we first of all organized the training program in west africa and then, after i left office, they turned it into a separate command. so they have been working about 17 years. >> jon: unbelievable. well, it's nice to see that the
7:39 pm
infrastructure paying off in the future. when we come back, we're going to figure out how to fix the other parts of the world that are broken. (cheers and applause) if you want a german engineered compact sedan that's fun, fuel-efficient, and affordable, there's only the volkswagen jetta. like this one, 36 highway mpg. well, except for the 42 highway mpg jetta tdi clean diesel. oh, right, and the 48 highway mpg jetta hybrid. and if you want all that variety
7:40 pm
in another compact sedan there's... huh. nothing. right now, get a great deal on all jetta models like the 2014 jetta s for $139 a month. [door be♪l rings] [door bell rings] [phone rings] hello. heh. heh. heh-he-he... t-mobile's is the first national network to give you wi-fi calling. now every wi-fi connection works like a t-mobile tower. it's wi-fi unleashed. applebee's let the fans put thefamous 2 for $20 menu.the i put the wonton tacos on applebee's 2 for $20 menu because i love them. and, i am old enough to know what love is! we're still talking about tacos... right? applebee's. where fans know best.
7:41 pm
when cold refreshment calls. coors light answers. "anybody else" frost brewed coors light. the world's most refreshing beer. i'm not sick i'm not sick she's perfectly healthy cigna covers preventive care. that's having your back. ooh sabra... that tight end is the best. oh it's the tightest. excuse me. pass it! are we out? [ group cheering ] [ male announcer ] sabra hummus. dip life to the fullest.
7:42 pm
7:43 pm
(cheers and applause) >> jon: there we go! welcome back! president bill clinton! (cheers and applause) i will occasionally watch the news -- (laughter) it appears, by watching it, that there's been a disintegration of the world order, of whatever sort of structures had been built up over the last 20 or 30 years. is that your sense of it as well or is it an exaggerated sense of something spiraling out of control? >> well, there is a disintegration, to a certain extent, but it's exa exaggeraten the sense that all the news is bad, but that's the headlines. the trimlines are more good than
7:44 pm
bad. let me explain what i mean. the explosion in information technology and other factors have made power more diffuse. the good news is, we can give cell phones to fishermen in indonesia in the aftermath of the tsunami, and their income goes up 30% because for the first time in their lives they know what the real price of fish is. the bad news is the same technology can go to i.s.i.s. and they can become a droid on the social media and all of a sudden you see two austrian teenage girls picked up at the airport trying to go there and blow people up for them. >> jon: right. >> so power is more diffuse, and you've got to be, therefore, more inclusive to exercise it. so the reason i think that the president's strategy to combat i.s.i.s. has a chance to succeed is that the iraqi government finally includes sunnies who
7:45 pm
were representing those tribal leaders who are moderate and without whom i.s.i.s. cannot be defeated. we can give them intelligence and we can do bombing and we have to do that to send a signal to them that there's a price for decapitating those people. >> jon: mm-hmm. >> you can't let people get away with that, that's a terrible signal to the world. we can't win a land war in iraq but they can and we can help them. if you want a government that works that's effective, it has to be inclusive, otherwise, it can be authoritarian and just get rid of everybody they disagree with. >> jon: right. >> there's three models gripping the world. there's the entrepreneurial non-governmental model which is great if it's the gates foundation. >> jon: not so great if it's i.s.i.s. >> or what we try to do.
7:46 pm
there's the authoritarianism model which is russia and in a different way china and has some appeal like the hungarian prime minister, they owe a lot to america, he just says he likes authoritarian capitalism, but he's just saying i don't want to ever leave power. usually those guys just want to stay forever and make money. then there's the democracy model. if the democracy model is going to work, it has to be inclusive. the only thing that really works in the modern world is cooperation and getting different kinds of people together, bringing their skill together. that's why the clinton global initiative helped millions in all the countries because we have these networks of cooperation (applause) >> jon: does the united states have to ria just it's model then for projecting power in this new more inclusive world? do we have to accept a less
7:47 pm
strenuous version of a projection of american power and also accept it's not going to be perfect? you can't eradicate ideologies because things like 9/11 were planned in a three-bedroom apartment in munich. >> we have to accept the fact that we may not win every battle. we have to accept the fact that we basically are in what is probably -- we're probably about halfway through since the end of the cold war. a 50-year struggle to define the terms of our inner dependence. but we know we are inner dependent. all the borders of the world look more like nets than walls. people are worried about this border problem we had recently with the central american kid showing up. they mostly were running away from gang violence and narcotraffickers, but reactually have far fewer illegals crossing this border now than when i was president and the economy was
7:48 pm
booming and we had to build up the defenses there. we're actually not doing nearly as bad as people see because we confuse the headlines with the trendlines. extreme poverty is down. maternal mortality is down. kids are living longer. >> jon: middle class is rising around the world, just not here. >> well, that's a different story. we've got to have a different strategy in america. but the extreme poverty has dropped dramatically around the world. >> jon: right. >> in tiny rwanda, the government created all these new villages so that people would have decent housing and created stalls for milk cows and places to store the milk to keep it from being destroyed. that one thing, giving a milk cow to every rural family took 670,000 people out of extreme poverty into the global middle class. so we can do these things, but we've got to have patience and we can't be arrogant and we've got to realize inclusion works
7:49 pm
and unilateralism doesn't. >> jon: you've got -- you have five or ten more minutes? >> yeah. >> jon: you're a nice man. >> jon.back on the web. who's going to do it? who's going to make it happen? discover a new energy source. turn ocean waves into power. design cars that capture their emissions. build bridges that fix themselves. get more clean water to everyone. who's going to take the leap?
7:50 pm
who's going to write the code? who's going to do it? engineers. that's who. that's what i want to do. be an engineer. join the scientists and engineers of exxonmobil in inspiring america's future engineers. energy lives here. "hello. you can go ahead and "have a nice flight."re." ♪ music plays ♪ music plays traveling can feel like one big mystery. you're never quite sure what is coming your way. but when you've got an entire company who knows that the fewest cancellations and the most on-time flights are nothing
7:51 pm
if we can't get your things there, too. it's no wonder more people choose delta than any other airline. not sure, but it what looks awesome. ♪ we heat the room to 110 degrees. huh? she's fine. on your right! what did you get? no clue, but it's jacked with protein. wow in a world filled with fads, it's nice to get back to basics. seriously dude? meat, cheese and nuts? seriously. new p3 portable protein pack from oscar mayer with 13g of serious protein. it's p3, it's oscar mayer.
7:52 pm
when cold refreshment calls. coors light answers. "anybody else" frost brewed coors light. the world's most refreshing beer.
7:53 pm
>> this will be the international community and the muslim world. >> scrape is going to have boots over there. >> i'll let the individual members of the coalition announce. >> there will be no
7:54 pm
♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ they said it couldn't be done, kif. but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday-grade helium from the unsuspecting moon. sun. at night, it's called the moon. (groans) all this heat has rendered me parch-ed. which of this doo-whackies dispenses horchata?

15 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on